When Healing Doesn’t Come

healing, loss, , , , , , , , , 22 Comments

My family is very small. My only sibling lives thousands of miles away. In my early 20’s, I watched my Father go through rounds of chemo, radiation therapy, and take his last breath right before my eyes. I also watched my Mother and best friend bounce back countless times like a warrior. But months ago, I watched her take her last breath only to find myself back in the same place.

Heartbroken.

I remember crying out, “Not like this. Please, God. Not like this.”

Uninvited | Sarah's Grace

That was the moment my heart shattered. My Mother never prepared me for the heartbreak that is living life without her. I still remember the look on my Husband’s face as we made eye contact as he walked through the doors of the ER. He’ll never forget that moment either. He still chokes up thinking about the fear and brokenness that he saw in my eyes without me saying a single word.

You’ve probably heard people say, “be specific with your prayers.” I realized how imperative it was for me go to before God with those specifics, because we needed a healing. But it didn’t come. Not like I thought it would. “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” Hebrews 11:39-40

This is a place where the enemy can without a doubt make you feel rejected by God. The enemy doesn’t just use people to make us feel rejected, he will also use hardships and tragedy. I was in this place. He’ll even make you feel like God doesn’t love you. I felt my prayers for my Mom’s healing weren’t good enough. I even asked myself (and God) over and over why were my prayers not answered?. This wasn’t a sin issue. God had planned something better.

Resisting God’s promises will make us forget God’s promises. —Lysa TerKeurst

In Lysa’s book she says ” …if there’s an area of my life where I turn away from the direction of His truth—perhaps a place where I’ve been hurt by rejection and started believing lies about my God and who I am in Him—I deny myself protection of His truth.”

To witness someone you love…take…their last…breath…not once, but twice is beyond heartbreaking. It’s numbing and the pain is indescribable.  How on earth will I make it through this?

HOPE.

Over the past few months I’ve felt like a wanderer. Waking up each day still feels like a dream. When tragedy or heartbreak knocks on the door, some people run away from God—but I just couldn’t. I needed Him…and even in the valley, I know that God is my only hope.

“If we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious.” —Warsan Shire

I’ve tried to figure out the best way to manage and heal from this heartbreak…searching for answers wherever they will greet me. I often search hoping they will help make this healing process easier. Then God gently interjects and reminds me that He’s got this…and that His ways are higher and the abyss of His knowledge and understanding can be trusted. He also reminds me that there is no reason why I should carry this burden when I can give it ALL to Him. For every heartbreak or seed of rejection, there is healing that goes far beyond what our eyes can see and what our flesh can feel. That healing can be found in Him.

God is a God of miracles who still operates with healing power, but He is more concerned about the condition of our souls than the condition of our flesh. —Chris Hodges

There’s something about God’s perspective, staying connected to Him and deeply rooted in the word that shifts your thoughts from temporal to eternal. The pain and heartbreak of this present world does not define who we are or measure how much God loves us. I know that no matter what hardships I face, that He will always be there for me (racoon eyes and all) with open arms helping me piece my life back together again.

 

sg1

 

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Hello, I'm Sarah's Daughter and this is my space to write my way to healing. I hope to offer transparency and encouragement for anyone adjusting to the "new normal". You can also find me over at my food + fitness + lifestyle blog, My Pretty Brown Fit (myprettybrownfit.com) sharing about food, fitness, lifestyle, body positivity, and so much more. I'm glad that you are here!

22 thoughts on “When Healing Doesn’t Come”

  1. Pingback: You Just Learn How To Manage – Sarah's Grace

  3. Girl! There was so much power in your words. My Grandma was the glue that held our family together. She died from cancer 14 years ago and the family fell a part. We weren’t prepared to live without her.

    I don’t know how much time my mother has here on earth but I need to enjoy it and prepare for living without her at the same time. That is tough.

    Thanks for sharing and prayers of peace and understanding. 💋

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  4. I’m so sorry for your pain. Although baking doesn’t come as quickly as we would like, it does come…. HOPE is what keeps me going on troubled times.

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  5. So sorry to hear about your tragedy. That must be hard, and I am so sorry you had to deal with this twice. I know the world wants you to be strong and put on a happy face despite what is going on internally – but grieve my love! Its ok not to be ok! God will heal you in due time but be in your feelings its ok…sometimes that is the best way to heal is to feel.

    God Bless you!

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  6. I’m sorry to hear about your mother. This is a book I needed last year when my uncle passed, and 4 years ago when I lost my father. Thank you for your review and sharing your personal story.

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  7. All I can say is wow. “My mother never prepared me for the heartbreak that is living without her”. This struck me HARD. I can’t imagine the day I am forced to live without my mom. Unjust recently moved nine hours from her and it was HARD! I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your openness and transparency.

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  8. Very sorry for your loss. I’ve been down this road and it’s definitely not an easy one. What I know for sure is that it gets a little more bearable as time grows. My Father transitioned first and then my Mother 11 months later. It was very hard when my Father died but it was even more devastating when my Mother passed. She was the rock that got us thru when he passed. I felt like we (my brothers and sisters) were all alone in the world. But it truly does get easier as times goes on. I will have to check her book out asap.

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    1. Wow…thank you for being so transparent, Kirstin! I’ve been saying that God has truly been sending angels my way to help me through this season. People who have been through it. I also understand how you could have alone because I definitely have my moments. I just take it one day…one second at a time. I appreciate you encouraging words! ❤

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