I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve tried to make sense of this “life” thing, but I just can’t. The reality is, I probably never will. I keep having to remind myself that God’s ways are higher than mine, his understanding is unsearchable. All I can do is pray. Pray for peace, pray for comfort, pray for wisdom, pray for understanding…and remember that He is God, and I am not. This moment of “life” reminds me of when I was around high school age when I thought I knew it all. You see, I grew up around the generation of Grandmothers (who saw a lot in their day) that would say things like, “just keep living” or “you’ll understand it better by-and-by”.
My sweet Mother,
It still feels like a dream. I don’t care what the reality is, I always believed my sweet Mama would live forever. My Mom transitioned from this earth with such a peace that only God can give. We celebrated her beautiful life in true Sarah fashion! She was surrounded by Love and Light….and a little laughter. “A little levity”, as she would always say.
A little while ago, I was listening to Shirley Caesar and came across a song that brought me to tears. It says, “I remember Mama, and the love that she gave…I remember Mama in a happy way”. So…the last thing I want to do is relive our final moments, because they are not final at all. I do, however, want to treasure and remember her life on earth the way she wants it to be remembered.
Over the past month, I gently reflected over my 36 years with her. Although nothing compares to the life she is living right now…I realized that (even in my worldly thinking and understanding) she did, indeed, live a beautiful life! I have to share a few things about her:
My Sweet Mama…Our Sweet Mama.
She brought so much LIGHT into this world.
She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid my eyes on.
She lived her life with so much grace.
She was birthed from the Fountain of Youth.
She was a true Diva and she owned that title.
She even let me be “extra”.
She kept me updated on celebrity news.
She kept me up on the beauty and fashion trends.
She loved sharing her favorites and “not so” favorite gowns on the Red Carpet.
She had jokes for days with a hint of sarcasm.
She loved her girls.
She loved her grandbabies.
She loved her family.
She loved her cats.
She loved her friends.
She loved teaching.
She loved her students.
She loved beautiful flowers.
She believed in me.
She was my biggest cheerleader.
She was love.
She IS love.
She LOVED me.
She still LOVES me.
She is part of me.
Her sweet spirit is with me.
I couldn’t carry on her legacy without sharing the blessing that was (and still is) her life. She was the most beautiful being with a beautiful soul. My best friend, an educator, fashionista, interior designer, fabulous cook, and a lover of flowers and life, as well as the people in it.
I love her.
I miss her.
I know she would tell me to “just keep living”. There is life after loss on earth, and I have to remind myself that our eternal gain is in Heaven. I am just living for today and taking life as it comes…one day at a time.
I will not be shaken.