I believe in transparency and the power of it. I try my BEST to hold it together, but when that grief hits you in waves, it’s either sink or swim. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m sinking, and to be honest, I don’t feel like being “strong” (whatever that means).
I’ve had a BEYOND overwhelming past few weeks, and I REALLY MISS MY MAMA! I wish I could just pick up the phone, call her, and hear her voice or ride by her house to cry my eyeballs out — but I can’t. And this ish hurts! BAD. Nobody prepared me for this heartbreak. Nobody.
As “churched” as I am, yes, I’m STILL having a hard time navigating her not being here. Then add all the madness going on in the world, kids being separated from their families — all of it hurts. Pain is pain. Their pain is real. I can’t even begin to imagine…
I share these things because it’s real. It’s normal to FEEL. Never let anybody tell you different.
Through it all, I know God’s hand is on me. It has to be. I also know sometimes you have to CHOOSE YOU FIRST. Take care of yourself. You want to be there for everybody else (I know), but take the time you need to HEAL. Choose YOU. Your health, your peace of mind, your (healthy) solitude.